The Science of Touch

Sexual frustration is a silent killer. It can kill self worth and self esteem. Some studies have found 1 in 4 women are suffering from sexual frustration. This can be in the form of a lack of desire, arousal disorders, not reaching orgasm and personal stress.

The bedroom seems to be the place that all your worries and concerns manifest themselves and start to play tricks on you. Your body needs intimacy and it needs sex.

I was listening to a short reel by Gemma Atkinson earlier talking about self esteem. She was discussing having lost a lot of weight through diet and exercise and how it had affected her boobs. A common thing I hear from women after children as well. She was describing how her boobs had shrunk and she was no longer happy with how they looked, even embarrassed to have the lights on during sexy times with her partner. Her self esteem at rock bottom because she didn't feel attractive. All attributing to issues in the bedroom.

When we feel like this our chemical balance is thrown out of whack. stress releases cortisol and cortisol kills all your fun hormones. We feel low and react with our fight or flight response which inevitably kills the mood and leads to more frustration.

The chemicals we release during touch, intimate times and sex are vast and hugely important to our mental and physical wellbeing.

Oxytocin is released during touch, massage, orgasm and skin-to-skin contact and is vital in building trust and closeness.

Dopemine is released which drives desire, anticipation and pleasure seeking. It is what causes that tingling sensation of wanting with the build up of excitement to intimacy.

Endorphins are released during physical exertion and touch and act as a natural painkiller. These are responsible for that euphoric feeling and relaxation after a sexual encounter.

Serotonin stabilises your mood. After sex it is what gives you that sense of contentment. Low serotonin is linked to anxiety and low mood so after sex this explains the afterglow sigh when you lie back, not a care in the world and your body just feels light as a feather.

Prolactin is released post orgasm. The higher the levels the higher the degree of satisfaction.

Testosterone which is present in both men and women drives libido and Estrogen affects your arousal and lubrication.

As you can see there is a lot going on and not all of it requires the act of sex. Oxytocin, endorphins and the early increase in dopamine all respond to touch. Slow, present and attentive touch in the early phase of a massage is great at initiating this release and even a version of the "afterglow" can be accessed through touch alone and all without the pressure of a predetermined outcome.

This is why chronic disconnection - from stress, from a partner, from one's own body - can leave people feeling flat or frustrated even outside of a specifically sexual context. the body is wired to seek this kind of contact regularly, not occasionally.

A massage with your partner or with a sensual masseuse is without doubt a great way to improve your frustrations and rebalance those hormones. Safe in the knowledge the hands that are touching your body are skilled, sensitive to your needs and here to serve you in whatever capacity you need.

Intimacy isn't just an emotional experience - it's a full body chemical event, and one that rewards patience over urgency. Whether thats through connection with a partner or simply making space for touch and presence in daily life, the science is clear: slowing down isn't a detour from pleasure. It often is the pleasure.

All Fingers & Thumbs

Gareth

Curious how this plays out in practice - through guided touch, sensual massage, or learning to bring more of this into your relationship? Explore Project-O or Join the waitlist for The Project-O Method coming very soon to go deeper.

Project-O Podcast is now available on Spotify HERE>>>>>