Why Relationships Fail? A Mans Perspective

I would never class myself as a relationship expert and would never presume to tell anyone how to live their lives. I do however class myself as relationfail expert. If there is anyway to ruin a relationship I have achieved it. If there is a way to bring drama into my life I have found it.

From the couch of my first girlfriends parents house to starting a family in a new country with a new job I have had a very eclectic relationship history.

And up until recently have not found the formula to make it work. Life has an ironic way of giving you context and knowledge way after the time you needed it and 20/20 hindsight would have fixed everything.

In the next 5 bullet points I am going to run through the fails I have had and why I think they happened. You might see a common denominator, let me know in the comments what you think that is.

Fail 1 - To early. I married at 21, moved country, changed jobs and welcomed a baby girl all in the space of a few months. At 21 looking back this was a hell of a lot to process and deal with and quite frankly I think I got overwhelmed. I think the writing was on the wall early when on a phone call I told my wife some the antics that had gone on while I was being initiated and it went down like a shit sandwich. That was the end of being open and honest two things you need for a successful partnership.

Fail 2 - Too generous. I have always wanted to take care of my partners and on this occasion I bought a sofa for our house. I gave my partner the £800 to buy the sofa and forgot all about it. When 6 months later she came back to me asking for £1200 you can imagine my surprise when it was a payment for the sofa. When I enquired as to what happened with the money she said she had put the sofa on the never never. Bought something for herself and now not only was the sofa due to be paid, the interest was 29% and it was also due. At this point I knew this relationship was over. But it highlights trust and the need for it from both parties.

Fail 3 - Letting your Dick call the Shots. I have a real talent for getting into relationships that start on the wrong foot but I crack on anyway. They usually start with phenomenal sex but end in a car crash. Sometimes it just isn't worth it. That is a lesson I'm only just learning but there was a lot of fun interspersed between the drama so no regrets.

Fail 4 - Not speaking up. It has taken me a long time to realise that sometimes it's ok to tell your partner what you want. I have had many occasions over the years where I tried to tell my partner what I needed only to get shunned or laughed at. This creates the same outcome as Fail 1. I found myself in a vicious loop of being with someone I loved, not being heard and then finding that capability to be vulnerable with another. Sometimes cheating is a cry for help. You just don't realise that until its to late and the communication has broken completely.

Fail 5 - Time Waits for No-one - When that cheeky bum slap disappears, when that kiss on the lips becomes and kiss on the forehead or worse no kiss at all those alarms bells should be ringing. It is difficult to see when you are the one not doing those things. Intimacy needs work. It needs time set aside to make each other feel wanted and when you can't make that time or not prepared to make that time you know it's over.

Some of those fails crossed over and happened simultaneously and at the time I don't even think I was aware of them. Looking back I know I was not happy at these moments and being totally honest I didn't know how to communicate my feelings. As a massive people pleaser making others unhappy feels alien and so a lot of the times I shouldered all of the burden. Culminating in some epic mismanagement of my feelings for sure.

If there are any guys reading this, and I hope there are. Take these lessons away and try to implement them if you are struggling in your relationship:

1 - Don't be afraid to speak up. It may feel embarrassing and possibly even shame but get over it. If you love your partner and she loves you you will talk it through, laugh about it and then go and do it. That sounds much better then dabbling with the secretary and fucking your life up.

2 - Set aside time for each other. I would always recommend a massage but some of my couple friends like to play cluedo. Whatever floats your boat but make the effort. If it is a massage you go for I suggest a few well placed texts early in the day telling your partner what you have in store for her. Add an optional Dick pic if you think she would approve 😉.

3 - Never stop kissing. A good snog is without doubt the best way to tell your partner you love her. And who knows where it will end up.

The one shining light is that after those failures above and a shit load I didn't go into I have now finally found myself in a relationship where I can say how I feel. I can talk openly and she absolutely loves a massage. What more can you ask for.

If you need any help giving the best massage of her life you know where I am.

All Fingers & Thumbs

Gareth

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